Not blogging was weird. I did write a blog, but it deleted itself somehow. I should say that going a week without posting a blog was weird.

There has been a deluge of poor things happening in my life.  I wish that I could explain and be one of those people who writes specifically about the people and things that have wronged me and how, but I’m not that kind of person. You can ask me, privately, and I will tell you, but not here. Here isn’t the place for that nonsense.

What we write about others in anger gives them the authority to dictate what we say. We can get swept up in feelings and abandon reason. We can cross the delicate line of not letting others off the hook but maintaining personal responsibility and make it out to be entirely someone else’s fault. That, is never entirely true and equally unfair.

I can tell you that I haven’t been sleeping well. People with PTSD usually struggle with obsessive and compulsive behaviors, especially when under stress. Also, because PTSD is an avoidance disorder you will notice that those affected will also evade certain responsibilities and ignore some habits altogether.

Compulsions may include:

• Picking at skin
• Pulling hair
• Twitching
• Compulsive Cleaning
• Obsessive thoughts/ Rambling

Avoidance behaviors may include:

• Extreme apathy/unmotivated
• Difficulty moving between tasks, getting “hung up” on details
• Not eating/Eating instead of doing something else
• Sleeping
• Abandoning healthy habits like regular hygiene, exercise, etc
• Frequent feeling they should be “doing something else” but don’t know what
• Dissociative episodes

When you have PTSD and something goes wrong, it can trigger an entire downward spiral. It can take me weeks to get back on my feet after a set back.

I’ve been struggling for almost a month because of things that are out of my control.

It’s a cycle, I’ll feel better, I’ll be able to enjoy things again. I will eventually not loathe the idea of putting pants on and Doug will not have to bribe me out of bed each morning by making me get my own coffee (that he has prepared).

I know that with diligence, I can get back on track. Without diligence, this process could consume me. That prospect is a hell of a motivator.

Getting knocked off of the path of my great intentions for recovery makes me think of the quote credited to Mike Tyson:

“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. “

**I don’t want you to think that anything that I’ve written in this post is anything more than a combination of personal experience and observation. There are clinical factors that influence each person and individual variables that do not make any list or box all-inclusive. If you or someone you know is struggling with these symptoms, please speak with a physician or clinical psychologist. Do not consult WebMD or one of those online quizzes.

I have been diagnosed by multiple doctors and I use their recommendations and thorough explanations to make parallels. I also check sources carefully and make sure that they are credible avenues of healthcare information.**    

photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/thomaslife/4040761148/”>ThomasLife</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a>

abuse, advice, anxiety, Boundaries, C-PTSD, care giving, caregivers, comfort, complex trauma, courage, depression, healing, invisible illness, mental illness, PTSD, recovery, rethink trauma, Trauma, woundedness