Posted 12/17/13:
I have had a lot of contact here in the last few weeks with people who are supposed to represent clinics, doctors, and social workers. I don’t recall being treated like a human being by any if them.
Instead of dwelling on being hurt, I’ve realized GOD instead is calling me to pray for those people who are harsh to me. They are going through things too. Who knows what makes mean people mean, but reciprocating the attitude is no cure.
When it comes to the moment, the most loving thing I can do is hold my tongue. Being “sweet” is not even on my radar.
I heard a very honest prayer once, here is my paraphrase:
“Lord, today give me patience. If you give me strength, I will slap this person.”
Re-reading this, I found myself feeling the same sentiments. A lot has changed since I first wrote that post. The bookstore has opened and now on a near daily basis I am thankful that GOD keeps my hands at my side instead of making contact with certain faces.
Like everything from parenting to what cable-provider to get everyone seems to have an opinion and you have to agree, danngit. Otherwise you are foolish, ignorant, bigoted, or dumb.
We who live in the United States live in a very polarized country.
People come into my store and insult it, and by extension, me. People have given us lecture after lecture about “how to run our business”. Everyone has some advice or direction. I agree with Bill Nye that, “Everyone you meet knows something you don’t.” I think that is a very true sentiment.
But how do we deal with individuals who want to give us what they think we need in a way that’s unsolicited?
This has been a major struggle for me that usually ends with me smiling and nodding and hoping that the person will run out of fuel and leave.
My ability to be inordinately patient is paying off in that way.
When you struggle with an invisible illness, there are lots of opinions that float your direction.
“Get over it”
“Excerise”
“Make time to do ____, ____, or ________”
“Let it go.”
I was especially wounded last week when a medical professional who KNOWS I have C-PTSD and DiD told me, “You just need to find a way to let it go. You were [sexually] abused and you may have enjoyed some of it, you may not have enjoyed some of it, but you just need to let it go and not feel ashamed about it.”
Yes. Because if I could, I would. If you’ve been reading my blog for any time at all I hope that this has at least come off in the subtext.
I don’t want to be sick. I don’t want to take medicine. I don’t want to go to therapy. I don’t want to go to the hospital. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE C-PTSD AND DiD. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND WHOLE.
There is no magic pill, no hypnosis, no anything that will make me better any faster. If there was I WOULD KNOW.
If you are sick. It’s okay that it seems to be taking forever. If you could let it go, you probably would Elsa your way through the frozen ice palace of your heart and make a bad ass chandelier (Total Disney reference, not sorry).
Healing is slow, laborious, and totally worth it.
You will be okay, maybe not tomorrow, but you will be.
And now for the Cathy-wrap-around:
People are going to tell you what they think is best. All the time. About everything. Don’t slap them. Instead, pray for them, be happy that they aren’t going through what you are so they can’t possibly understand.
People will forget that you are a human. But you are. I know so and GOD knows so. If someone else forgets ask a friend to remind you. Maybe bursting into tears at the Department of Human Services because they messed up your food stamps (again) will violently remind someone that you are a person. But don’t you forget either. When it isn’t visible how ill you are it can be confusing. No one wants to see people in pain, most people don’t.
So remember that these bumbling, opinionated, silly persons, are trying to help or make things better or are also having a crap day.
You are a worthwhile person, just because you exist. GOD loves you, Jesus died for you, and that doesn’t change for anything.
Try not to slap anyone this week, including yourself, okay?
Ticket photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/64958688@N00/4248357775/”>scribbletaylor</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>cc</a>
advice, anxiety, Christian, Christianity, depression, God, healing, hope, invisible illness, living, love, patience, PTSD, recovery, Trauma